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Is There a Friendship Formula for Making Friends Quickly?

By Andrew Burgon / phoenix@projectfellowship.com
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June 26, 2014

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Friendship Advice

Friendship Q & A with Andrew

Hands Up if You’d Like to Have a Friendship Formula for Making Friends Quickly!

Sometimes we find ourselves struggling friendship-wise. There are, however, many ways to shorten the journey so that it doesn’t feel like a long and laborious pilgrimage.
My answer …

I remember this question being asked by someone who went to social events but nearly all the people she met ended up only being acquaintances.

Is there a way to get from point A to point B faster when it comes to drawing into your life the kind of friendships you desire? I believe so. There is much that could be said here. I will provide one part of the equation and hopefully others can come up with the other parts for befriending people quickly and taking them beyond the acquaintance stage. For my part I will focus on choosing the right people to befriend as well as doing so in an environment that is conducive for meeting others and making friends.

One thing I noticed about the shotgun approach I used in Project Fellowship is that it was a longer route to having the circle of friends I desired. For example, people I befriended who had little in common with me often became phantoms with whom I only had a short-term, superficial friendship with. Chalk-and-cheese friends nearly always became chronically passive friends. As for people who had very different interests and lifestyles it naturally had an inhibiting effect on our friendship.

The ‘sniper approach’ is a faster way of getting from point A to point B. This is partly because your seeking potential friends who share common ground with you and you are also in effect screening the people coming into your life. If you pair the sniper method with things like the ability to discern friendships, competent social skills and taking initiative on a scale that will achieve the results you’re after you will get even better results.

Let’s take a closer look at what I’m talking about.

Sniper Mode

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Seek common ground as it holds an important place in friendships. It can determine how much time you spend together, how often you meet up and possibly how far you get in the friendship. It can have an amazing effect on the bonding of two people as I have witnessed time and time again.

There are two kinds of social events that I associate with the sniper model. The first are social events where the focus is on socializing rather than learning something, playing a sport or doing an activity. A good example of this is Internations. They organize events for expats for the express purpose of socializing and networking. People are very approachable and welcoming.

The second kind of social event has a focus on an activity or a sport. So if you love playing board games meet up with others who love board games. You’ll probably find that you have a greater connection with the group.

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Unfortunately, I dare say many people who are continually unhappy with their friendship lot in life haven’t been checking out their options. If they did they might be surprised to discover sweet spots and treasure troves.

A treasure trove is a group of people that you come across who you get along with very well and feel as though you belong in the group. A sweet spot is an activity that you LOVE doing with others. Sometimes we get lucky and stumble across them. It needn’t be this way though. Find out more about the social groups in your area and take the time to visit the ones that interest you.

I like to say if good friends don’t seem to be on the friendship path you’re on jump over to a diagonal path. You could very well find one there.

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When you are conversing with people subtly sound them out for common ground. Reveal certain things about yourself in the hope of establishing rapport. Make a good first impression not only appearance-wise but in your conversation as well. Do people you meet for the first time walk away feeling as though they’ve had a pleasant and memorable conversation with you? If things went well exchange contact details. Bonus points if you arranged to meet up with them at another time. Taking the initiative is vital.

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Is it possible to spot exciting potentials at an event? These are people who are potential close friends who could enrich your life immensely. Fortunately, they’re in the habit of leaving numerous clues as to their identity. They are also noted for confirming it with their actions in the weeks ahead.

I would consider an exciting potential as someone exhibiting heightened levels of warmth, enthusiasm and initiative. Tenacious eye contact and a sincere selfless interest in you. They may seem really pleased to meet you and may take the initiative to meet up with you at a later date. If you had time to chat you will note the feeling that you really did make a connection with that person.

Is there a formula for making friends quickly?  Your answer?

 
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