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The Great Conspiracy Driving Apart Friendships

By Andrew Burgon /
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October 25, 2013


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Realizing that life has so many elements that are driving apart friendships can help us not take it so personally when friendships fizzle out.

The Great Conspiracy is all those things preventing, inhibiting, driving apart, putting on hold and dissolving friendships. If you feel greatly troubled by social indifference then dwelling on this topic may be of some benefit. I certainly found it so. It helped take the sting out of people’s indifference and not take it so personally. If you feel this line of thought may be beneficial take out a piece of paper and a pen and add to it.

Keep in mind that we are all probably contributing to it. I’m not implying that there is anything benign about it. It’s a natural force in life. If you are in the earnest search of good friends then attending to certain areas of your life may result in reducing it’s effect to a certain degree.

Habits, Attitudes, Beliefs & Lifestyle Liabilities

Our habits, attitudes, beliefs and lifestyle can amplify it’s power. These include being too caught up in your work or in the habit of doing things by yourself. Shrugging your shoulders and saying that you aren’t good in the friendship department and just leaving it at that. Beliefs like you are not the kind of person people are interested in so why bother? Lifestyles that have very limited space for friendships as they have been designated a non-priority.

Negative Traits

We may have negative traits that are heavily conspiring against us. A bad temper, excessive shyness, poor social skills and obnoxious behavior. Add to that a critical spirit, low self-esteem, odd behavior and constantly showing up late or having a reputation for cancelling at the last minute. People may make negative mental notes concerning you and choose to see less of you or not have you in their life at all.

The Kingpin

Many friendships are work-based, school-based or event-based. This is the kingpin that keeps a lot of people together and many a rude awakening has been had when the pin is pulled. We all know what happens when we go to another job, graduate or stop attending a particular event. We lose contact with many people. Even people we really liked.

Poor Positioning

For some, poor social positioning is working against them. They may find themselves through no fault of their own surrounded by people who are unable to truly value their friendship. It might just be a problem of not having the same interests as those in your circle, being in a different age group or being a different type of person. If your feeling like an ugly duckling go find some swans!

Social Nature & Needs

The social nature and habits of some people make it difficult for them to connect with others. I like to ask people the question, “What do you usually do on the weekend?” It reveals something socially about a person as well as things you may have in common with them. The last person I asked could only talk about reading books and running on his lonesome.

Other people are just very indifferent and apathetic by nature. Some admit they’re not much in the friendship department and feel like a fish out of water when socializing with a group. It makes them feel anxious and uncomfortable.

Busy Bees

Others are strapped tightly into a roller coaster ride living full lives. They have lots of friends and are busy, busy, busy socially and work-wise. You will get the feeling that there is no room for you whatsoever.

Family Life

People with families understandably may spend significantly less time socializing with friends than single people do. One has to spend time with two sets of relatives, take the children to various activities and have enough money to pay the mortgage, car loans and raise a family.

Different Interests

People’s interests can also act as a barrier. If you are an indoors kind of person and your friend is a lover of the outdoors the friendship may not amount to much. Friends that are younger than you may be in the club scene and are going out on dates while you attend different kinds of events and are married with children.

Fatigue & Crisis
Some people may be going through an overwhelming crisis, a divorce or being mentally weighed down by a lawsuit. Others are operating a small business and thus working crazy hours. Sometime in our lives we may experience fatigue and see less of other people.


So many things are conspiring against our attempts at drawing to our selves the group of friends we desire. We can make adjustments in our lives to reduce it’s effect. We can also come up with a counterweight of strategies to achieve our friendship goal.
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