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Friendship: The Wonders of a Threshold Hard Reset

By Andrew Burgon /
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October 25, 2013


valentint / 123RF Stock Photo

Well, there’s nothing quite like the threshold of pain to help you do a hard reset in life and bring about a great change.

At the age of 37 something had snapped inside me. Too many disappointing friendships. Too much loneliness. I knew that the first half of my life with some exceptions had been filled with shallow, third rate friendships. I told myself that the latter half of my life would be devoted to decent friendships.

The fiery flames of threshold pain and depression had changed me, too. My heart had a different beat. “Life is short. Life is precious. I will not waste it on people who do not value my company.” That beat came from the very core of my being and profoundly effected my life and my friendships for the better.

At the start of Project Fellowship I did a complete about face socially and mentally.  I made up a friendship list and had some people over for dinner before the week was out. I started having events including a squash club, movie nights, going out to restaurants and meeting up at my place. I was able to get lots of people together for these events.

I kept a treasure book that contained contact details of all my friends, recorded what events I had invited them to and various comments about them. This treasure book had some very positive benefits including the fact that it helped me make a systematic and determined effort to find friends.

“Now give yourself up and find yourself again.”
– Li Mu Bai
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

Mentally, I threw out everything I knew about friendship out of the storehouse of my mind and started from scratch slowly building up my knowledge building block by building block to where it is today. On the surface it appears that this was not necessary. Lots of things I knew about friendship came right back into the storehouse. However, had I not of done this I may still be lost in the labyrinth today.

I thought about the subject of friendship constantly and wrote my thoughts and observations in a journal. All this as well as my efforts to find friends helped to hard wire my mind in a beneficial way.

The going wasn’t easy. In those early days I was still under the influence of depression. Sometimes when I was contacting people at social networking sites I was pounding the computer keys hard with my fingers because I was emotionally hemorrhaging and upset.
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