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Treasure Hunter: A Quest for Good Friends

By Andrew Burgon / phoenix@projectfellowship.com
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November 1, 2013

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Image Credit: Nenko Lazarov / By Nenko Lazarov / CC-BY-SA-2.5

Image Credit: Nenko Lazarov / CC-BY-SA-2.5


 

“He Who Finds a Friend, Finds a Treasure”

In my Project Fellowship days I was a treasure hunter on a quest for good friends. My friends being the treasures. These days my boots and my hat are by the door. I’m by the fireplace warm and smug. I am content with all the friendships I have. No doubt though there will come a time when I’ll have to don the fedora, put on the boots and go out in search for some more friends.

I have actively sought over the last decade to live on a higher strata of satisfying and rewarding friendships and find good friends. In this series I will be sharing with you many of the ideas I have on the subject as well as the strategies I have employed.

The Problem with, “Let Friendship Happen Naturally.”

The sentiment, “Let Friendships Happen Naturally,” doesn’t take into account many things. For a starters it doesn’t take into account the thousands of comments I’ve read on-line from people who obviously struggle friendship-wise.

It doesn’t take into account that not everybody is hardwired for social success and that some people may need to make changes in their life to draw to themselves the kind of quality friendships they seek.

It doesn’t take into account that some people are lackluster and made of social cellophane. They’re the last one’s chosen in the friendship line up if they’re chosen at all.

Some people lack discernment in their friendships and cling to friends who far prefer the company of others. They continually feel as though they don’t fit in and don’t belong yet they don’t move on in search of good friends.

Letting friendships happen naturally is like finding a pearl in the ocean that has naturally formed. Quality friendships have happened this way in my life, no doubt about that. However, there have been long stretches of time when they have not appeared in my life. Like the farmer who cultivates pearls I prefer to conspire to get the results I seek.

Friendship Topics

I cover a wide spectrum of friendship topics on my site. From severe depression and bitter loneliness all the way through to the glorious and lofty heights that friendship has to offer. This is actually the very path I have trodden and it naturally gives me a unique voice on the subject.

Here you will find guerrilla friendship tactics. You’ll hear me talk about gauging friendships and learning to let go. That we are stewards of the social slots in our lives and that by allowing friends who are indifferent, careless and apathetic to remain in those slots may be inhibiting good friends from entering our lives. I write about friendship model protocols, creating counterweights if your life seems to have a strong bias towards friendlessness and other things that you will seldom come across elsewhere.

Some of the things I write about may fall into the ‘radical notions’ department. That’s because I’m not just writing about making friends. I focus on the subject of drawing into your life good quality friendships. That’s a tall order that requires a certain mindset. While I’m no doubt putting myself out on a limb by speaking so openly I truly feel it would be a disservice to hold anything back. Consider what I have to say with an open mind and embrace whatever resonates as true to you.

You will certainly find mainstream articles on my site like how to make friends, how to build strong friendships, the art of rapport and conversation skills to name but a few.

Obstacles, Deficiencies & Liabilities

Is it possible to read and apply the ideas in articles on how to make friends and still come away disappointed after making a genuine effort to befriend others? Absolutely. I read such articles when I was younger but didn’t find them very helpful. In hindsight, I was doing so many things right.

In the many articles on friendship I’ve read very little is devoted to the subject of obstacles, deficiencies and liabilities that can hold us back friendship-wise. The helpful good advise in articles on how to make friends don’t point out the huge potholes there may be in the road before you. Neither do they help clear the clinging mind fog of hopelessness and despair that discourages so many people from continuing their search for good friends. You will note that I touch on these subjects a lot in my articles.

Also not adequately addressed and acknowledged is that even if you do the right things in your approach to making friends you can after all your efforts feel as though you have been abandoned on a cold and lonely street.

Case in point, something I call The Great Falling Away. You fling open the wide doors of your life and welcome friends into your life. You host many social events. You shower people with golden hospitality and make a genuine effort to befriend others. The moment you cease doing that and take one tiny step outside the circle there is a great falling away. Chronic passiveness abounds even after you have taken the lion share of the initiative. Here, too, you will find that subject adequately addressed.

In Conclusion

Does the state of your friendships continually bother you? Does there seem to be a strong bias in your life towards friendlessness or a stubborn reality that bars good friends from entering your life? Have you felt for years that you don’t fit in or belong? Have you caught yourself saying, “Nobody cares?” Are you made to feel like you are a second rate member in a social group? Does it bother you that despite your efforts to befriend others your phone is deathly quiet on the weekend?

You may have heard of the adage in business, “Focus on the critical inch.” There are times in life when the same applies to the pursuit of good friends, close friends. Some of the things I write fall into the critical inch category. I hope that some of the distinctions I learned on an epic journey from severe depression and loneliness to finding the kind of friendships I desired will benefit you.

I encourage you to comment on anything I write. Consider me a discussion leader who still has a lot to learn. I’m looking forward to being on the receiving end of some insight, wisdom and stories that will help me grasp this subject matter better.

If any of my thoughts on Project Fellowship have benefited you on your quest for good friends please let me know.

I have divided the articles I have written so far into four series.
 
Series1Series2Series3Series4
 
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