Some of us are caught in what seems like a dark and cold friendship labyrinth of despair where good friendships are hard to come by.
The Dilemma of Being Understood
A lady I met at an event helps to illustrate the dilemma of being understood. During the brief conversation I had with her I talked a little about Project Fellowship since she asked me what my website was about. She was unable to relate to my experience or fully grasp my ideas.
She said matter-of-factly that she was content with her two good friends and her dog. Her philosophy was that if you give, life will give back to you. That friendship was something naturally learned.
I smiled for a moment basking in her untainted, simplistic feelings and thoughts on friendship. A lady frolicking in the garden of eternal bloom. I admittedly envied her and made a mental note to somehow become more easygoing concerning friendships. One thing is for sure though. She isn’t going to help anyone out of the labyrinth anytime soon. She can’t even see it. Her sentiments and knowledge are virtually worthless to them.
She was young, beautiful and radiant possessing an easygoing attitude toward friendship. It’s not surprising she had difficulty in comprehending the frustration, despair and loneliness some people feel.
In hindsight, it would of been so much easier if I could have just mind-melded with her in Spock fashion. She would of found herself walking through a fiery maze to a dark place inhabited by tormenting demons. Into the very heart of the labyrinth itself.
Standing before the Dark Tower she would taste the very apathy, carelessness and indifference of people that I had overdosed on in life. I would spare her though from the feeling of being buried in oblivion in the hearts and minds of people. That is especially hard to take.
The Friendship Labyrinth has many obstacles that we are often oblivious to.
I dare say in the lives of many the labyrinth is indeed ‘real.’ There are a host of obstacles that can get in the way of drawing to yourself the kind of friends you desire. One of them is the lack of key realizations.
Take, for example, the young ladies comment on giving. While it’s true such blanket statements can be misleading and set you up for disappointment. You can ‘give,’ but it has to be effectual giving.
Naturally, if you don’t know how to gauge friendships and hang around the same group of indifferent people all the time giving is probably going to have disappointing results. You’ll find yourself feeling like you have been left out on a bitterly cold deserted street. Sow on fertile ground and there is an amazing difference. By fertile ground, I mean people that are genuinely interested in having a friendship with you and are reciprocal in nature.
Poor habits, attitudes and beliefs can also get in the way. The lifestyle you are living may not be conducive to finding good friends. You may need to reach well beyond the narrow boundaries of your everyday life to find the friendships you seek. You may also have to scale up your efforts.
You may have poor social skills or a personality trait that causes people to make a negative mental note concerning you and thus avoid you. Your lack of self-esteem may hold you back from confidently going forward. The list goes on and on.
A world of opposites gives us insight on how people can feel so differently about friendship.
Another way of coming to grips with what I’m writing about is keeping in mind that the world is full of opposites and the realm of friendship is no different.
Think about the people you’ve met and their characteristics. Those who are fervent concerning friendship to those who couldn’t care less. Those who are luring and popular to those who are lackluster and undesirable.
Proactive and passive people. Beautiful people and ugly people. Intelligent and the dense. The socially adept and the socially clueless. The suave, charming person and the oddball.
The uptight and the easy-going. Positively buoyant to those who are susceptible to depression. Those who are nostalgic about old friendships and are eager to reconnect and those who couldn’t care less. The wealthy and the destitute.
All of these things could have some influence in the pursuit of friendship.
Now imagine if you will a somewhat socially clueless person who has a fervent heart for friendships but is cellophane-lackluster and a bit of an oddball. Throw in a socially debilitating stammer till his late twenties. Then transplant him in an Asian country where his expat friends are always coming and going.
As the years grind on by and finding good friends still continues to be an issue he falls into depression when he is 35. This is my story and it can’t be that hard to grasp.
In closing, there is one person whose contribution is vital to your friendship success. The one who will lead you out of the friendship labyrinth and into a dimension of satisfying and rewarding friendships. Ultimately, that person is you. If I could only say one thing to someone inside the labyrinth it would be, “Keep taking the initiative to befriend new people till you get the group of friends you desire.”
Be Active : Engage Others
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