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Chemistry: The Falling Golden Glitter of Friendship

By Andrew Burgon /
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June 16, 2014


michaeljung / 123RF Stock Photo

Chemistry is a wonderful conductor of friendship.

A friendship that possesses a mutually felt chemistry connects you in a special way in no time at all and you find yourself hitting the ground running friendship-wise. The friendship also seems to mature at an accelerated rate. Meet a few times and it can all of a sudden feel like you’ve known each other for ages. A sweet deal.

Chemistry is that undeniable attraction that two people feel for each other. It may not necessarily be so obvious the first time you meet but I personally find that it nearly always kicks-in early in the friendship. There is often a special vibrance that it creates between two people and a kind of sugar rush that goes with it. Chemistry certainly has it’s benefits and is one of the indicators that can help spot a potential close friend.

The Benefits of Chemistry

Some of the benefits of chemistry are that it creates an initial strong bond between two people. The friendship tends to last longer than others though that’s certainly not always the case. It motivates you and your friend to get together more often. You take more initiative with each other. It can be very fulfilling and satisfying to spend time together. If you are fortunate enough to have a few good friends that you share chemistry with like I do it’s a wonderful experience and the accumulative chemistry running through your life comes with an amazing buzz.

I think of chemistry as one of the indicators of a potential close friend. Certainly when I think about the first three months of the best friendships in my life it was suspiciously present in all of them.

I have talked before on my blog about how to spot potential good friends. They are often generous with the clues they leave. Things like elevated levels of warmth, enthusiasm and initiative. Tenacious eye contact, undivided attention and quality time spent with you at an event. They may suggest meeting up soon or actually follow up and invite you to something a short while later. Their motives are pure with no hidden agendas. If you don’t initially feel that unmistable connection it will come when you get to know them better. My good friends and I share a wellspring of chemistry. Chemistry is not something you go in search for. Rather go in search of good friends and you’ll most likely find that it comes part-and-parcel with the friendship.

Taking Other Things into Account

I suspect some people roll their eyes when they think about chemistry especially in regards to romance. Take, for example, first love that hits the mother lode of chemistry and rockets you to the heavens only to stutter and then fall back to Earth with a big bang. It’s true that chemistry can be bitter sweet. Oh, boy, but what a ride! We shouldn’t expect too much of chemistry. It is a commodity that can be used up, fade away, vanish or eventually be taken for granted.

Chemistry can blind us to the other necessary elements of a friendship and set us up for disappointment if we’re not careful. For those of you who distrust it and dislike how it can drop you from the heights when things don’t pan out give yourself a buffer by taking into account other things about the friendship. For example, we know that lifestyle and common ground can determine how often friends meet up, how much time they spend together and even how far the friendship gets. So if you meet someone you share chemistry with note these other things and give yourself a kind of heads up to help reduce any future disappointment.

Let’s say you meet someone you have some chemistry with yet you find you have little in common. The dialogue you could have with yourself could go something like this. “I know this is chalk-and-cheese relationship. My friend is the outdoors type and I’m the indoors type. We don’t seem to share much in common. He’s much smarter than I am. Because of the wonderful chemisty we share though I’m going to venture out into his world now-and-then. It may not work out but I’m sure as hell going ride this wave for all it’s worth!” Can you see how this would diminish a feeling of disappointment if the relationship eventually fizzled out?

The Flip-Side to the Subject of Chemistry

Shasta Nelson of girlfriendcircles recently wrote an article on the other side of chemistry downplaying it’s importance. Certainly we shouldn’t be waiting around in a friendship limbo land for that ‘chemistry’ experience to happen with another person. Such friendships can be a long time in coming especially if you don’t know how to usher good friends into your life. There are good times, memorable times to be had without it. Don’t miss out on them.

In conclusion, it seems to me that good friends come part-and-parcel with chemistry. It is a very desirable quality in friendships that has some definite ¬†benefits. I know that I don’t need to go looking for it. As long as I continue to pursue good friendships it will be drawn into my life. It’s also important to keep in mind that we can have great times with others without it.

If you have any ideas, wisdom or questions on this subject I’d love to hear them. What do you think?


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